I joined a Yahoo discussion group in Phoenix in preparation for our up-coming move. I usually just "stalk" and never join in any of the threads. But I couldn't resist piping in on this one.One of the members is a young adult on the spectrum. He posted this: "So that is the question I am posing to all of you. What are the things you love about your autistic children? Since I don't have one myself, I can only sare (share) the things I love about myself, which, among other things, are that I think of myself as intelligent, loving, and very friendly."
Here was my reply:
I love this question, mostly because there are many, many things I love about my 10-year-old autistic son.
1- I love his complete lack of deception. I never understood the word "guileless" before now. I can ask him if my dress makes me look fat and he will honestly tell me. I also know that when he tells me that I look pretty, I really do.
2- My son is the best audience member. His school had a pep rally last week with cheerleaders from the high school. His teachers told me how he clapped and cheered for them and got the whole audience excited because of his enthusiasm.
3- I love his consistency and how he makes me be consistent. Sometimes, it's impossible for his schedule to remain the same. But when something out of the ordinary comes up, like his dad's business trip, I know how to prepare him and consequently, prepare his younger sister too.
4- I love that he wants me to tickle him awake. To me, that sounds like a terrible way to wake up, but he loves it. I also love that he asks for massages, squeezes and tickles when he needs an outlet. I know others on the spectrum hate that kind of input. So I'm glad my son likes, even craves it, because it is a way for us to connect.
5- I'm glad that his OT recommended we play board games together and that he now loves board games. We play at least every Sunday, and I'm glad there is someone else in the family that likes to play games as much as I do.
6- It's really easy to buy Christmas/birthday presents for him. What is he obsessed with now?
7- I like how I know everyone in his school, because HE knows everyone. I'm proud to be stopped in the hall by a child- older, younger, doesn't matter- to be asked if I'm Randy's mom. And I'm always proud to say that I am.
8- My son is a great host. When a friend comes over for a play-date, he remembers his social stories and tries really hard to make his friend feel comfortable.
9- He has the best laugh. TV shows and movies are funnier when I watch with him. It is literally painful to watch "America's Funniest Home Videos" with him because we laugh so much.
10- And lastly, because he doesn't know how to do anything half-way, I love how he loves me. It is unconditional and honest, which is the best kind of love there is.
Most of the things I don't love about having an autistic son is how other people, mostly those who haven't had a chance to get to know him, judge him. I don't love that his play-date invitations aren't reciprocated, and how that makes him sad. I don't love not anticipating his melt-downs. I can usually see the triggers in hind-sight, but I'm learning how to prevent many of the triggers and he's learning what to do to diffuse the volatile situation. While I sorrow for my son's struggles and his budding awareness of his "differentness" (his word), this charming and amazing boy has added so much to my life and I thank God every day for sending him and his 3 "neuro-typical" siblings to me and my husband.
Thanks for the question. I need to give my boy a hug.
